I know, it's been a while. Blah blah blah.

Check out the headlines on this Google archive search of James Taranto's "Bottom Story of the Day:"

Some of my favorites:

"Construction Leaves Parts of Downtown Raleigh Dusty"--headline, WRAL-TV Web site (Raleigh, N.C.), Jan. 17, 2006

"Argentina Advances Partial Opening of Squid Season"--headline, Mercopress (Montevideo, Uruguay), Jan. 13, 2006

"Mira Sorvino Made Honorary Pa. Deputy"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 28, 2005

"(Hillary) Duff's Rockin' New Year"--headline, E! Online, Nov. 30, 2005

"Three Laid-Off Americans Struggle to Find Work"--front-page headline, USA Today, Feb. 16, 2005

"Nike Corporate Jet Makes Safe Landing"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 21, 2005

"Lynndie England Burned in Prison Kitchen; Soldier jailed for Abu Ghraib abuse suffered grease burn"--headline and subheadline, MSNBC.com, Dec. 30, 2005

"Air Force, Rockers Use Same Earplugs"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 11, 2005

"Pet Snake Survives Fire"--headline, Journal Times (Racine, Wis.), Jan. 5, 2006