Fire up your radios on Friday, January 4th 2002 from 6:00am-9:00am on KKFI 90.1 where I will serve as guest DJ for the morning. Tune in, won't you?

SteveCam is back up on the Mac!

I must move the software running SteveCam to my PC because I upgraded to OS X on my Mac. Apparently there are no drivers for USB cameras on OS X.

It's sad, really.

So I'm walking into Houston's and they have a sign on the door about their dress code. No tank tops for men, no torn jeans, and ball caps forward. Ball caps forward!?! Thank goodness they're keeping up some kind of standard.

A guest at our house asked our daughter who comes on Christmas day with presents, to which my daughter immediately replied, "The Grinch!"

Actually overheard at Cascone's Grill in Kansas City's River Market area:

Cook: "Hey, I have eggplant today!"

Female Patron: "I'm actually on a diet where I have to eat meat."

Cook: "Oh, so you want the ham hocks?"

Female Patron: "Yeah."

Well, those pesky terrorists couldn't stop the Emmy's this time! In your face Bin Laden!

FunFact: My fructosamine level is 1.6!

Area Man Refuses to Change the Name of Al Kayda Chrysler Plymouth
LENEXA, KS—Allen Kayda, owner of Al Kayda Chrysler Plymouth, has refused to change the name of his car dealership, despite its diphthongal similarity to Al Qaeda, the global terrorist organization. Kayda's decision comes despite lagging sales and the appearance of a mysterious white powder next to the doughnuts in the service waiting room. "Let the terrorists change their name," Kayda said at a rally of his top grossing salepeople. Many have drawn parallels between Kayda's decision and that of the Carlay Company's refusal to change the name of AYDS diet candy.

The Journal Archive now works, somewhat. Although you can look at the individual pages, the navigation within the site through the main yellow and black buttons does not work, nor do all of the images appear. At press time, I have not fixed these errors. Oh well, such is my lot in life.
Enjoy!

Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden:

• sad animal bone
• banal mad noise
• bald nose mania
• bland Asia omen
• nasal media nob

Top 5 Appetizers Ordered at the Jalalabad TGI Fridays:

1. Sand-Encrusted Goat Brie


2. Mozzarella Sticks (with infidel blood for dipping)


3. Jack Daniels Grill BBQ Scarab Wings


4. Kippered Donkey Bites


5. Locust Poppers

Don't you think that if you're going to go to the trouble of burning someone in effigy, it should at least look like the person you're burning? Is that too much to ask? Doesn't the word quality have any meaning to Islamic extremists? Have these demonstrators no pride in their work?

I'll tell you, that's precisely why their per capita annnual income hovers around $800!

So maybe this schtick isn't so original. But it is awfully bothersome.

So I have a beef with some of the things people say when you're waiting on hold for a person to pick up the phone.
Here are those said beefs in order of annoyance level:

1. "Please listen to the complete list of options, as our menu choices have changed. For consumer products, press one. For business products press two." For that I had to listen to the whole message? What could have possibly changed? Perhaps consumer products used to be two?


2. "Stay on the line. You may experience some silence." In our time, it really is rare to experience silence. However, what I heard was a bunch of bad smooth jazz and some lame expressions of how important my call was. (see item 4)


3. "Hey, I'd like to give you a few phone numbers to keep handy. The support line for Roadrunner service is..." That's the number I had called to get that message.


4. "Your call is very important to us." So important that you can't get to me in under 45 minutes? Wow. I feel so... special.

Last night I turned on some of the coverage of the terrorist attacks and my daughter, who is 21 months old, said, "Daddy, I'm scared."

I turned off the TV and we went outside to blow bubbles. I'm not sure which of us enjoyed it more.

I do not understand truck owners who feel the need to adorn their vehicles with decorations. Specifically, I do not get:

1. The silhouette of the naked lady that appears on one's grillwork or mudflaps. Is this some necessary sign to the world: "Attention, the driver of this truck is a heterosexual, unlike SOME truck drivers I could name."


2. The name. You've seen them, the cute names depicted in a deliberately ragged typeface on the back window or on the gate. Names like The Boss, Mighty Mo, BastardWagon. Okay, I made the last one up.


3. Calvin urinating on the Ford logo. I understand Calvin urinating on the Oldsmobile or Yugo logos, but why Ford?

Can anyone enlighten me? Why would you spend money on any of this stuff? Perhaps I'll never understand the decorative truck owner.
Maybe it's better that way.

What do you think of the new angle of the SteveCam!? Check it out and let me know!

Have any of you read anything by that wonderful columnist Jackie Harvey? You can find his best work at The Onion.

A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE

I read an article today that smoking rat poison-laced crack causes severe bleeding. I just wanted to make sure you knew.

I had some of my blood tested a few weeks ago for a life insurance policy, and the results are good! My creatinine is hovering right around 1.1, which is right in the middle of the 0.5 - 1.5 expected range. My BUN level is is also well in the normal range of 5.0 - 25.0 with a score of 17.
More details to come!

SteveCam is up and running again. We are moving today.

SteveCam will be offline while I move my office to the new house. It should be up and running over the weekend.

A fortune cookie I opened tonight:
"You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first." There's a contortionist joke in there somewhere. If you find it, send it to me.

Some technical notes:

I have noticed that my site looks like doodoo when viewed on Windows macines. I'm working on it. It'll be fixed sometime before 2008.

SteveCam! is back. A little snafu related to our move and the Code Red worm conspired to keep us offline. But we're back now, baby!

So here I am with my sleeping son in my right arm, typing with my left index finger, launching my new web site. Not bad for one finger, though my news archive is not working, and the Writings section is a little under-developed. The new site is done!

I have created a monster in that now I have to keep the GD thing updated.

enough for now. must sleep. . .

In the past 24 hours, my son has spit up 12 ounces of milk, pooped, and urinated... all on me.