That WAS Elton John: March 5, 2009

After sleeping in and a workout, we headed up poolside for our boring day at sea. Ha! A short rain storm cleared the deck chairs and our friends Rebecca and Lee had snagged a few chairs before the bands had started. Perfect. They let us sit with them and we got to meet their friends from Knoxville. Everyone is so damn funny on this trip and they all have excellent taste in music.

We proceeded to sit by the pool, drink beer, and watch Bonepony, Roddie Romero, and the Greencards by the pool. Part of the package you get on board is getting your picture taken with your “Twice as nice” artist. We got our picture taken with John Hiatt. This was a cattle call if I ever saw one. They whisked us through. I wondered aloud to Polly if John Hiatt gets a copy of his picture with everyone. The woman in front of me said yes, I'm sure he cherishes those pictures. I imagined him flipping through an album of all of these pictures of him with strangers.

We grabbed a bite to eat and the captain came over the PA system. He spoke in his morose Norwegian accent and told us that the waves were too high and that tendering operations required for us to go to Stirrup Cay, NCL's private island, would be too dangerous. So instead we're going to Nassau tomorrow! Woot!

That night’s ticketed event was Shawn Colvin. She does a great job live because her sense of humor comes through during her between-song banter. She was talking about the Poseidon Adventure, and how if the Norwegian Dawn were to capsize, her cabin would put her on the bottom. She also mentioned the Titanic. She performed her favorite lines from Titanic: “Jack?” “Rose!” Jack!” “Rose?” The seas were angry again that night. I’m not sure how the performers kept their balance while playing and singing. “These Four Walls” was her best performance that night. She closed by saying, “have fun on your boat.” Not sure exactly how she meant that, but the idea I got was, “Y’all are crazy for paying to be on this boat.”

After the show we met Lee and Rebecca at the premium French restaurant. The ladies brought a bottle of wine (you’re allowed to bring 2 bottles on board). It was a delicious French burgundy and we made quick work of it. Then we had a Syrah. Quite delicious. Then Lee ordered another bottle of the Syrah. Delicious. This after a day of drinking beer around the pool. It was shaping up to be quite a session. Brandi Carlile was in the Star Bar rehearsing her piano skills, but we were not allowed, seeing as we’re not stars.

As we were walking to Gatsby's, we looked outside the window and the sea looked so rough, probably the roughest we’d seen. Huge waves smashed the front of the ship, leaving a churning white foamy surface that streamed by the window. A woman walked by and said, "I told you it was crazy out there." Then she looked at us again and said, "Well, maybe it wasn’t you, but I told someone that."

At Gatsby's, where we drank yet more beer. It was open mic at Gatsby's. Matt Bianco did a few numbers, as did Joel Guzman and his wife (whom we realized was the woman who said the funny line about the ocean in the hall to us.)

We talked and talked with Lee and Rebecca. These are fantastic, smart, and funny women. We vowed to come visit them in New Orleans. They said, "We have a big place, so bring all the kids." I said we would, and then Polly and I would get a hotel room in the French Quarter. She said never mind, then.

At 2:00 AM, we made fun of the poor perspective technique used in painting the murals, mimicked in the pictures you see here. Polly lasted late on this night, and we all guessed we'd seen as much cool stuff as we could handle. Polly headed off to bed. As soon as she left, Lee, Rebecca and I had one more beer and then it was time for bed. As we walked down the hall, we saw in one of the lobbies Brandi Carlile was doing an impromptu concert on the piano. After she finished a song, she solicited requests. Someone yelled for an Elton John song, to which Brandi responded, “That WAS Elton John.”

Then she sang Turpentine. Someone next to us sang along, which irritated Rebecca, who is quite a talented singer/songwriter in her own right. When the song was over, I requested Turpentine. We laughed. Vienna Teng and the twins helped Brandi out on Let It Be. This was one of my favorite parts of the cruise. Sadly, Polly missed this one too.

Pusser's Pub and the Order to Abandon Ship: March 4

We woke up in Tortola, part of the British Virgin Islands. The stats on the TV pegged the humidity at 100%. Nice.

We convinced a reluctant cab driver to take us to Sage Mountain National Park. In the shared cab some people from Augusta, GA talked about the potential bankruptcy of Blockbuster. Polly asked if we could talk about puppies and kittens since we were on vacation and had steadfastly refused to watch any news on the sketchy TV coverage in our stateroom.

We met some lovely women from San Diego. We agreed to share a cab back to town. The woman in the kiosk at the entrance to the park said, “I have some things to say. It will be $3 per person.” Apparently that’s all she had to say, because she didn’t say anything else until we all paid. Then in front of everyone she said to Polly, “Your husband's going to have to zip up.” After an embarrassing moment, she added, "his backpack." One of the pockets on my backpack was undone. Whew.

Before we started out I went into the small snack bar where a woman was in there watching Maury Povitch. I came out and told everyone I was just going to stay there and watch instead of going on the hike. Got a few chuckles. We made it to the old fig tree and caught up with the ladies from San Diego. Polly was experiencing a blood sugar low, and the ladies offered her an apple. It was a nice gesture.

We hit the highest peak in the British Virgin Isles and then it was down to Road Town for lunch. We convinced a skeptical cab driver that we wanted to go to Roti Palace and he reluctantly pointed us the way. Apparently roti is a West Indies/Carribean/Indian thing where flatbread is wrapped around curried potatoes and the protein of your choice. We chose conch. We were the only ones there. It was delicious, and better than the chicken fingers served in the unappetizingly named Pusser’s Pub.

That night’s ticketed even back on the ship was Brandi Carlile. Brandi has such a great voice, and she’s so damn cute it’s hard not to love her.At one point she sat down to do a piano song (she normally plays the guitar). She had a little trouble getting settled and she admitted, “these jeans are TIGHT.” And she does not shy away from the covers. She played the Beatles We Met, Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash, and Let It Be, joined by Alex Wong and Vienna Teng. The Twins, Brandi’s bassist and guitarist, did some amazing turns on vocals during that song as well.

One myth people relate about cruises is that everything is included. Not so. You have to pay for cokes. $50 for a week’s worth of unlimited sodas. I know, they're in the business to make money, but soda fountain drinks are practically free. You also have to pay for juice, some gratuities, and to gain entrance to the better restaurants on the ship. That’s what we did on this night. We went to Le Bistro. That’s French for The Bistro. The food was good, definitely better than the ‘free’ fare. Apparently they have been holding out on us. They had some dish called a “French-inspired Cheese Trolley,” which I envisioned as a miniature street car you climb on and they roll you around the restaurant as you sample the cheeses. Every lap or so they ring a bell right by your ear until you’re so embarrassed you ask to disembark.

Besides better food, one of the advertised draws of the pay-extra restaurant is better service. We had a lovely server named Via. She told us she’d been cruising since 2003. Polly said, “So you have your sea legs?”

“Yes,” she responded. “I’ve seen the worst.” She then related the story of how, after just three months at sea on the Norweigian Majestic, the captain missed the warning signs of a typhoon and a bad storm hit the ship. On the 5th floor, the windows of the bar broke out and water was coming in. They had issued an abandon ship warning. She sat in the crew area with her life preserver on. Through the walls in the next room she could hear everyone, adults and children praying and crying. She knew the stors was so bad that just getting into the boats would be a nightmare. Just as they were to begin getting in the boats their prayers were answered. Just as the storm blew up, it blew out. She said it was immediate; startling everyone. Needless to say, she’s a lifelong believer in the guy upstairs now.

A fascinating story, but possibly one I’d rather have heard after we got back to Miami.

I saw a little bit of Ed Robertson’s set. He’s the lead guitarist for Bare Naked Ladies. They do their own cruise with the Sixth Man, the company that put on Cayamo. He said he was telling Andy from Sixthman how much he would have loved to be on that boat with John Hiatt, Shawn Colvin, Patty Griffin, Brandi Carlile, and Kathleen Edwards. So Andy’s response was, “So why don’t you come?”

It worked out well, because Buddy Miller had some serious health trouble and could not attend the cruise. Ed’s set was fun. He is really funny and puts out some hilarious, quirky stuff. He told stories about his son and daughter. He played a couple of hits from Bare Naked Ladies, as well as some stuff from their kids album, and the theme from Big Bang Theory.

We got to sit on the third row for a second ticketed concert of the night, John Hiatt. This show was a return to John’s true form. He only had three repeated songs from the concert we saw the other night. Highlights of the show were The Tiki Bar is Open and Lift up Every Stone.

I went to see Oakhurst at 12:30 AM, but was worn out from the past two nights and only stayed for a few songs. They sure were rocking it, though. The waves had gotten a lot higher and the wind had picked up a lot. Polly opened the door to our room to place the room service door hanger on it and the wind blew cans and papers off of the table. It was crazy. The stats channel described the sea as “Rough” which means 15-20 feet. Holy moly.

Starting a band?

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101 Damnations
Proper Trousers
Ground Clutter
Tulip Craze
SlobberFly
Pie Trajectory
Tongueprint
Voltaire and Swift
2 Hefty Astroids
Red Itchy Little Mofos
Dog-In-Law
Seamus O'Toole and the Other Jews
PolySorbate 50
FreakDust
Sheep Wagon
2 Brutal Toilets
The Magic Of Cakes
Discolored Tooth
Guar Gum and the Phenylketonurics
WordStar
Joe's Brood
The Cramped Minstrels
Mr. Eddy's Father
Lincoln Towncar and the Curb Feelers
Bulk Male
Pot Luck
Red Sparklerz
The Ne'er-do-wells
The Man to Beat
My Porcelain Jackets
T.B.A.

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Submarines and Mahi-Mahi Sandwiches: March 3, 2009

When we woke up we looked out the door of our cabin to see we had reached St. Thomas, one of the U.S. Virgin Islands. I hadn't been here in 38 years. The place had changed. We took a taxi to Morningstar Beach. it was a perfect day and we watched some kids frolic in the water. After an hour or so, we got aboard another taxi that took us to the main touristy area, where we secured tickets to a submarine trip through the corral reef at Turtle Bay. We then took a quick walk (one guy told us 15 minutes, another 45 we speedwalked it in 25). The main town of Charlotte Amelie is a charming little town with old buildings painted in pastel colors, like the Quarter in New Orleans. It’s filled with jewelry stores and perfume places. The winding narrow streets and delightful narrow arcades make it an interesting walk. There were 5 cruise ships in port, so it was a little crowded for our taste. We ended up at Gladys' Restaurant where we ate grilled Mahi Mahi sandwiches. Best meal of the trip so far.

We took a small boat out for a 20-minute ride on the choppy water to the point where you rendezvous with the submarine. We sat there for a while out on the front of the boat and a light blue area of the water formed and a submarine popped up out of the water. The people got out and we got on, The sub held 30 and we were 14, so there was plenty of room. They told us we could move from side to side, but not front to rear, so that we didn’t upset the sub’s balance and buoyancy mechanisms.

We saw tons of snapper fish, a 6' reef shark, a stingray, a blowfish, lots of coral and the part sof a ship that sank out there ten years earlier. Pretty cool. The tour guide described why everything looked a little washed out. He told us that because saltwater is denser than air, it filters out different colors as you go deeper, eventually filtering out all color where the water is dark. We went just under 80 feet deep on this excursion and the water had filtered out the red color of my KC Chiefs hat. Yes, I wore a Chiefs hat. I was worried I would blend in with the locals and people would not recognize me as a tourist, so I dressed the part. So they turned on the inside lights of the sub and my hat went from purple to red. Kind of a cool trick. Try it the next time you're hosting a party in a tourist submarine.

The excursion was unlike anything I have ever done before.

We rushed back to the boat for a bite before the John Hiatt show. John had a four-piece band, the Ageless Beauties, a funny name because all three of the other members were 20-years John’s junior. We learned later that John had a little flu and that explained why his show was a tad lackluster. He forgot a few words and missed a cue or two. He was still outstanding, though, the highlights being Feels Like Rain, Memphis in the Meantime, and a keyboard-free Have a Little Faith in Me. After dinner we rushed to catch the last half of Joe Ely’s set that he played with Joel Guzman on accordion. He played El Gallo del Cielo, a terribly sad song that makes you care about cockfighting. We headed to the atrium to see Katie Herzig, whose music was a little different from the rest of the artists, but fit in wonderfully. Her songs gave me goose bumps. At some point we also saw Aslyn, who played some great music. After hearing her sing and play piano, I thought she must like Ben Folds because some of her songs had his percussive piano and turns of rhythmic phrases. She played a great song called Wally. I really wished I could have seen more of her set.

I decided to check out Mindy Smith again, even though her previous performance had some cringe-inducing moments. I’m glad I did. She was fantastic. Highlights here were Come to Jesus, One Moment More, and Raggedy Ann. I got to meet her and get a snapshot.

By 12:30 I was wiped, but I had to go see Glenn Phillips, the former lead singer for Toad the Wet Sprocket. As I walked up the stairs to the Spinnaker Lounge, I saw another couple just barely able to make the trek. I told them, “You have to do it. This is why we’re here. Come on, we can do this.” They laughed. I lasted for an hour or so of Glenn’s great set with his violin player. Glenn is an old pro at the interstitial banter. He revealed that he had never been on vacation with his wife and not the kids in 13 years. He said being on stage was not for our benefit. Actually, he was trying to get laid. He said his performance was not for all of us, but for one of us. Quite funny. i saw him the next day with his wife, but did not have the guts to ask them if his plan worked.
Asleep by 1:45 AM.