The Anthropomorphism of What Ails You

In the past, they used to anthropomorphize drugs. To wit: Speedy the Alka-Seltzer guy. He would come out and sing about how he could settle your stomach.
















Now drug companies have mascots representing the ailment that their drug treats.



As far as I remember, Digger the Dermatophyte was first, in those awfully disturbing ads for Lamisil. Pictured is the worst part of the ad when he lifts up that toenail like a trap door so he could crawl underneath. Look closely at him; it looks like he has some kind of purple fungus on his back. Perhaps he needs to ask his doctor about it. He also has sharp teeth for gnawing on your nails.

Now we have a little glob of mucus named Mr. Mucus. Apparently he's married now. I guess he and Mrs. Mucus met in someone's sinus cavity. That's where I used to go meet girls.








A woman has made a felt stuffie (!?) out of a monster she claims was on a Pepto Bismol commercial. I couldn't find any mention of it any place else on the interwebs, though I did find this tasteless little number.

I am waiting for Senor Herpes, a little hairy man in a sombrero with cold sores. Or perhaps we could someday meet Jacques Itch (oh no I didn't!).

Terms of Art

I was at the dermatologist (I had two moles removed, nosey) earlier this week and I saw a little card pushing some kind of skin treatment for people with red spots on their face. There were the obligatory two photos, one of a woman's cheek with lots of blemishes, the second one 90% cleared up. It said the drug treated "aesthetic suffering." I love that term. It could also apply to ugly people.

"I feel so sorry for him. He's got that aesthetic suffering."

The term reminded me of one I heard on an infomercial for Lasting Kiss lipstick a number of years ago. MASH star and foie gras objector Loretta Switt and Tracey Bregman Recht (who?) hosted it. The whole infomercial was shot with a soft filter on the lens. Anyhoo, this "Lasting Kiss" business was a two step process. First you put on the lipstick, and then you applied a "sealer." There was lots of drinking from white coffee mugs ("See, no smudges!") and talk of their significant others ("My husband kisses me every morning before he goes to work!"). The "expert" character on the infomercial said that the lipstick and the sealer were "cosmetically dependent," and that this dependence is what made Lasting Kiss so terrific.

Cosmetically dependent! Sounds like the spouse of a woman addicted to mascara. I guess that would be a cosmetic co-dependent.

Copywriters are so shameless in the creation of new terms to make the product they're shilling sound more scientific. I should know. I am a copywriter on occasion.

A Terrible Commercial

Have you seen this commercial with the twins having a barbecue in a TV studio? If not, here it is.



Does anyone know why this commercial was created? What is the appeal? What made them decide to air this commercial over, say, dead air for 30 seconds?

Who cares if these two fellows are twins? While we're at it, are they actually twins? I kept wondering, if they're twins, why don't they look more alike? Then I wondered if perhaps they used some tricky digital hooha to make the same guy appear as both brothers. Then I thought, why would you bother with all that when you could actually hire real twins? Lalawood is crawling with "acting" twins. With the money they'd save on the digital effects they could have afforded to shoot outside instead of in front of the cyclorama in front of the cyclorama in the studio of Kansas City's FOX affiliate. And what gives with him calling it "incinerating?" He hasn't lit it yet. What makes pouring lighter fluid on charcoal incinerating? Then I thought, if I'm thinking about all this, I am certainly NOT thinking about Boston Market's barbecue menu.

Doesn anyone have any idea what it all means?

People Get Ready

Hey guys, great news. Everything's going to be okay starting Friday evening!

Thanks for the ice cream!

As much as I love facebook, I get confused by some of the notifications. You know the ones:
"Gary sends you good kharma."

"Mary sent you a Jager Bomb."

"Malcolm has prepared an ice cream sundae for you."

What does it mean? How am I supposed to react? I love ice cream sundaes and Jager bombs (I don't love Jager bombs), but a virtual one doesn't do much for me.

Part of the appeal of a social networking site is that I don't have to buy people drinks as if we were at a bar. And does it really have to cost ten cents to send someone good karma? Capitalizing on karma brings bad karma, I think.

Perhaps we need some negative notifications.

"Eugenia sent you a flaming bag of dog excrement."

"Barry has given you herpes."

"Jeff has sent you his kidney, but he doesn't expect you to reply in kind. That's just the kind of person you are."

There could be lots of money in letting people be virtual bastards, martyrs, or guilt-mongers. Think of it as a chance to make some money doing the things you do in person for free.