The chiefs have an official rock provider. Isn't that a little strange? I guess perhaps they make the running backs train with rocks in their Under Armor. They stopped letting them say "Official Beer Provider for the NFL." Now they say something completely neutered, like "Official Brewed Beverage Enjoyed During the Games of the NFL."

There's a radio morning show in KC on Mix 93 called Clap Girl and the Bastard. Now that I look at that, I may have the name of the show wrong. Anyway, I heard them say that jewelry for the show was provided by a local jeweler. Jewelry? For a radio show?? "Listen to that tinkling charm bracelet on Clap Girl's wrist. I must go see the selection at Jimmy's Fine Diamond-Teria."

Other options:

• Wardrobe for closed captioning staff provided by Botany 500
• Official Transfat Provider for the U.S. Olympic Swim Team
• Bladder Control Products for Regis Philbin generously provided by Depends in exchange for this promotional announcement
  

Dr. Frank

My son Frank, who is 5, had to get six shots at a checkup earlier this week. Then they poked a hole in his finger and scraped blood into a small vial. Then they needed some more information so he had to go back in yesterday. When we walked in he saw the same nurse who had given him his shots the day before.

"You again?" he asked, to the delight of the rest of the staff.

Then while they were inserting the needle in his vein (on the second try), he said, "I want to hurt people. I'm going to be a doctor."

Like a Blow to the Solar Plexus

I can now add references to the solar plexus as a new cliche to look out for in my writing. Writers commonly refer to the solar plexus when describing a fight or some kind of physical struggle. I always thought is was synonymous with your breast bone or your chest. But it turns out it's a bundle of nerves behind your stomach. Here's a primer with more information, describing its popular use as meaning the "pit of the stomach." I don't like the usage of solar plexus because its unnecessarily long. I defer to George Orwell's excellent essay "Politics and the English Language" when he says, "Never us a long word where a short one will do."

So you can keep up with this topic, Bookgasm records references to the solar plexus in literature on their Solar Plexus Watch.

Four Dead in Violent Pillow Fight

More Raw Milk Stories

Boston Farm illegally sells Raw Milk (The Republican. Boston: Feb 15, 2008.)

Is raw milk right for you? (The Epoch Times. Los Angeles: Feb 8, 2008.)

I was just putting something on for the kids to watch when I caught an ad about 1/3 of the way in. It features two women, aged 50 or so. One of them wears a boa, the other very bright workout clothes. They laugh so hard they can't speak. Then the voiceover says, "Small bladder leaks are a part of life for all of us."

Don't you love it when it's like a commercial speaks directly to you?