At UMKC in the building where my summer writing workshop takes place, they have several vending machines. In the food one, the top two rows are labelled "Better for you." The choices on these rows include trail mix, pretzels, and Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries.

ANDY CAPP'S CHEDDAR FRIES? It's hard to see the fries themselves through the little window, as the grease tends to cling to the plastic. You can practically hear your arteries narrowing just looking at them.