It's that time of year again! I will appear on public radio shamelessly begging for money on KCUR's behalf.
KCUR 89.3
This Friday, October 25th
During "Talk of the Nation Science Friday"
1:00 PM - 3:00 PM
If you plan on supporting public radio in Kansas City, please hold off on pledging until you hear my grating voice on the radio. I'll even try to read your name on the air if you call before 2:30 and you tell them you know me.
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
A friend of mine, Jeff Drake and I have played a game for over two years now called the Facts of Life Synopsis Game. We start out with a real synopsis of the sitcom Facts of Life culled from Yahoo! TV. We then make up fake synopses that rhyme with the real one.
Here are some examples:
The Real Synopsis: Santa's visit alleviates Beverly Ann's holiday blues.
1. Blair admits she has a sexual attraction to Tootie's shoes
2. Tootie's Mutti's murderer leaves very few clues.
3. Natalie's expanding girth makes the evening news.
4. Spring rains spur mentally-ill Molly to gather all the world's animals in twos.
5. After 24 hilarious hours on the stool, Mrs. Garrett implores Jo to prepare no more stews.
6. Tootie exercises her right to choose
7. Jo and Blair spend the afternoon sniffing glues
8. Cousin Geri accidentally erases all of Mrs. Garrett's "Donahues"
9. Feral Tootie is not accepted by any of the area zoos.
10. Mrs. Garrett starts Homecoming morning by hitting the booze.
11. Blair wakes up covered in a mysterious ooze
12. Mrs. Garrett dreams of future Seattle Slews
13. George makes the girls an offer few can refuse
14. Cousin Geri's comedy routine is drowned out by a chorus of mean-spirited boos
15. The school talent show features Tom and Penelope Cruz
16. Blair returns from her date with George with one sexy bruise.
17. Tootie negotiates a last minute Iraq-U.S. truce (pronounced troooos)
18. When she refuses to put out, Blair finds out George has a short fuse
19. A pimp comes to the boarding house just to peruse.
20. Drunk, the girls and Mrs. Garrett play a spirited game of Duck Duck Goose (pronounced goooze)
21. George's alibi is designed to bemuse.
23. George's gumbo features a funky-tasting roux
24. George's love for Mrs. Garrett turns out to be a cruel and tasteless april fool's day ruse
25. A local magazine prints nudie pics of Jo, so she sues
26. Tootie dreams she is in the wild west, communing with the Siouxs.
28. The girls get matching Vanilla Ice tattoos. (Special Guest Star: Vanilla Ice)
30. The girls get silly after George disables the dorm's flues.
31. Blair tapes over Tootie's library of "New Zoo Revues"
32. Blair catches Tootie crapping on her library of National Reviews
33. The girls give a makeover and manicure to guest star Howard Hughes.
34. Blair flaunts her beauty contest winnings while Natalie boo-hoos
35. Natalie dreams she'll be buried in a piano case, just like Robert Earl Hughes
36. George is caught in Tootie's bed wearing nothing but her underoos
37. Mrs. Garrett proves to be adept at "whispering" to the ailing kangaroos
38. Singer Sade guest stars and sings of the sweetest taboos
39. A nasty fall from the gutter outside Blair's bedroom window causes two of George's vertebrae to fuse.
40. During a ribald game of strip poker, George ensures Natalie doesn't lose.
41. George is discovered halfway into his auto-erotic asphyxiation noose
42. Beverly Ann is fired for blaming all of her problems on “those evil Jews.”
43. Jo is pregnant with a baby, but she won't say whose.
44. The girls suggest a bikini car wash, which Mrs. Garrett poo-poos
45. After finishing school, the girls move off Bannister Road, into The Mews!
46. A love potion sends the girls to George's room by twos
47. Before the Christmas pageant, George pins Blair on the casting couch and tells her she must pay her dues.
Here are some examples:
The Real Synopsis: Santa's visit alleviates Beverly Ann's holiday blues.
1. Blair admits she has a sexual attraction to Tootie's shoes
2. Tootie's Mutti's murderer leaves very few clues.
3. Natalie's expanding girth makes the evening news.
4. Spring rains spur mentally-ill Molly to gather all the world's animals in twos.
5. After 24 hilarious hours on the stool, Mrs. Garrett implores Jo to prepare no more stews.
6. Tootie exercises her right to choose
7. Jo and Blair spend the afternoon sniffing glues
8. Cousin Geri accidentally erases all of Mrs. Garrett's "Donahues"
9. Feral Tootie is not accepted by any of the area zoos.
10. Mrs. Garrett starts Homecoming morning by hitting the booze.
11. Blair wakes up covered in a mysterious ooze
12. Mrs. Garrett dreams of future Seattle Slews
13. George makes the girls an offer few can refuse
14. Cousin Geri's comedy routine is drowned out by a chorus of mean-spirited boos
15. The school talent show features Tom and Penelope Cruz
16. Blair returns from her date with George with one sexy bruise.
17. Tootie negotiates a last minute Iraq-U.S. truce (pronounced troooos)
18. When she refuses to put out, Blair finds out George has a short fuse
19. A pimp comes to the boarding house just to peruse.
20. Drunk, the girls and Mrs. Garrett play a spirited game of Duck Duck Goose (pronounced goooze)
21. George's alibi is designed to bemuse.
23. George's gumbo features a funky-tasting roux
24. George's love for Mrs. Garrett turns out to be a cruel and tasteless april fool's day ruse
25. A local magazine prints nudie pics of Jo, so she sues
26. Tootie dreams she is in the wild west, communing with the Siouxs.
28. The girls get matching Vanilla Ice tattoos. (Special Guest Star: Vanilla Ice)
30. The girls get silly after George disables the dorm's flues.
31. Blair tapes over Tootie's library of "New Zoo Revues"
32. Blair catches Tootie crapping on her library of National Reviews
33. The girls give a makeover and manicure to guest star Howard Hughes.
34. Blair flaunts her beauty contest winnings while Natalie boo-hoos
35. Natalie dreams she'll be buried in a piano case, just like Robert Earl Hughes
36. George is caught in Tootie's bed wearing nothing but her underoos
37. Mrs. Garrett proves to be adept at "whispering" to the ailing kangaroos
38. Singer Sade guest stars and sings of the sweetest taboos
39. A nasty fall from the gutter outside Blair's bedroom window causes two of George's vertebrae to fuse.
40. During a ribald game of strip poker, George ensures Natalie doesn't lose.
41. George is discovered halfway into his auto-erotic asphyxiation noose
42. Beverly Ann is fired for blaming all of her problems on “those evil Jews.”
43. Jo is pregnant with a baby, but she won't say whose.
44. The girls suggest a bikini car wash, which Mrs. Garrett poo-poos
45. After finishing school, the girls move off Bannister Road, into The Mews!
46. A love potion sends the girls to George's room by twos
47. Before the Christmas pageant, George pins Blair on the casting couch and tells her she must pay her dues.
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